Today

When I am up, I am high. On cloud nine. When I am low, I am in hell. My own personal hell. The head doctors tell me that its part of a condition that I suffer from. I tend to believe them as a lot of things I do don't make sense to me after I do them. As smart as I am, I cannot stop the urge to rage out and act out when I'm depressed. Most depressed people just lay around and cry. Not me. Well, I lay around and cry afterwards.

My dads head isn't right either. I wonder if my kids are gonna be crazy like me. Its genetic. And they sometimes see how I act. I am a good mother, but sometimes I cannot avoid the fact that when I'm on the war path, they are in their room. They can hear me. And I know I scare them. They look at me with these huge eyes. Wide with fear. That's so sad. Because right then, I don't even care about that.

I think that life is a bit more normal when I am working. Right now, I am laid off, waiting for a call back from my job telling me that I can start work. :/ Going back to work is bittersweet as I really enjoy the company of the people who work with me, but my boss sometimes just gets under my skin. And being pregnant with all these hormones surging through my body, I don't know if I will be able to keep my mouth shut when she is acting annoying. Which is 99.9% of the time. Terrible thing is that she knows how terrible she is and admitted it to me during our interview. I should have heeded that warning and stayed away.

I have actually been contemplating getting a new job. I should have been looking all winter but I didn't. There is still time. I am due in August. I have 29 weeks or less of work left in me this season. I wish they'd just call me.

Sorry, this entry was more like a journal. Maybe ill write again later

Peace and Love


Crystal Robinson

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